Lost Without You
by Mariyu
Summary: Afterlife is a series of moments lead by the thought and feeling of others.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Not sure if I'm going to continue with this, well not sure how to but I wanted to write it. My other fanfic is currently on hold unfortunately because my dad broke the laptop with the nearly finished 4th chapter on it. I'm going to try and get it somehow but at the moment I'm a little broken hearted about it. Don't blast me for this but I kind of like the challenge of Bonnie being dead. I'm sure this will never happen in TVD but it kind of opens up for some challenging and interesting fic ideas for the fandom at least haha. Oh god bring her back goddamnit. Hope you enjoy. Used 'Lost without you' by Robin Thick for a little inspiration.

...

She was sitting with him in the parlor again, near the fire she could no longer feel. It was a strange feeling to be here with him when he couldn't see her, knowing that the only reason that she was there was because of that insistent tug. An emotion, a thought, that need to see her that couldn't be denied. That tug would lead her to so many that she held dear, but the most surprising were these moments. These rare hidden moments of quiet that lead to deep contemplation, these moments that would bring her sitting near him.

Bonnie had to laugh a little, never had she thought that Damon would ever be thinking of her, especially now with that look on his face. A look so serious, that she had never known to be a cause of. His empty glass was pressed against his forehead, dark hair giving way. In his other hand he flipped his phone around idly, before finally flicking through his contacts. The small ex-witch stood at his shoulder now, flashing across the room, not really moving in the physical sense. She was careful not to touch him, even though she knew he wouldn't feel a thing.

"You're going to call me? You normally text." He hit the call button despite her silent words, hearing it ring once before it skipped to voice mail. A simple sign that the person on the other line stopped the ringing midway. Damon looked a little relieved by this, as if this small response, albeit a negative one, was all he needed from her.

"Look, I know I normally don't call-"

"See."

"-but you're not answering my texts, and the vampire college twins are complaining and Stefan…shit never mind, just answer your stupid phone. Why the hell do you have that thing anyway if you're not going to use it?" Agitated, he stiffly threw the phone at the couch.

A small tug pulled at Bonnie's fingers, she instinctively began to follow.

Before she could leave, Damon stood with an abruptness that startled her back into the parlor. She stepped away from him, but her hair brushed his arm for the smallest of moments and he froze. The air grew heavy, and Bonnie was glued to the floor. Her fingers were still twitching from the earlier tug, but Damon's thoughts were stronger. He stood in front of her, darting his head around the room as if he was searching for something. Or someone.

"Do you sense me Damon?"

He faltered for a moment, as if hearing her words, and finally letting his eyes fall blankly to the floor. The tension eased off of Bonnie, allowing her to now pay attention to the tug. She kept her eyes on Damon for as long as she could before suddenly staring at a blank wall.

"Where have you been?" She flicked her green eyes towards Jeremy, not surprised that he was the one to call her. With Jeremy's view into the other side, it was easier for him to call to her with his familiar warm tug of the fingers. Bonnie only managed to give him a mumbled sorry before he launched into his next sentence.

"Damon called you and left a ton of text messages. I texted back what he wanted and now he is practically blowing up your phone. I need your help on how to respond."

The entire situation seemed so absurd to her that she couldn't help but laugh loudly. It was no surprise that Damon couldn't handle being ignored, even from her. Is that why he was thinking of her so much? It was the only logical reason, the only one. A thought strayed from her then, small but dangerous. Maybe that wasn't the only reason.

"Bonnie? Are you ok?" She hadn't realized that she had suddenly stopped laughing. Instead of letting Jeremy see her uneasiness, she bent low to see her cell phone. To keep up the illusion of her being alive, Jeremy had taken up to becoming her middle man. The link between life and death. Bonnie knew that he hated lying to everyone, but he respected her wishes and played along. However, it was only a matter of time before he cracked or someone found out. Whichever came first.

"Just tell him that I am keeping in contact with both Elena and Caroline and that I'm very busy with my mom. Send that first. Then write another one to tell him 'and quit being an ass.'" Her instructions were dutifully followed, and after a long moment there was only one text sent back.

_Well you better be ok. _

After a minute of silence Jeremy slid her phone back under his mattress. He took her hand in his and they both ignored that they couldn't feel a thing. For now they focused on the silver lining of their situation, however small that line may be.

"Were where you before?"

Lie. It was the first thought that popped into her head. She didn't want to but it felt strange to tell the boy she loved that she was sitting with a man she at best barely tolerated. Bonnie opted for skewing the truth slightly.

"I was wondering around downstairs. It's strange to be in a vampires home without being noticed. Nice even." Her mind wondered to Damon's open and honest face when he thought he was alone.

"It's just strange living here period. I mean the guy did kill me once."

"I'm sure you'll be fine." His fingers brushed through her hair, and she stilled for the contact to be felt. Disappointment was no longer a surprise to her.

"I'm not sure how much longer I can do this Bon."

"Just a little longer Jer."

Her departure was sudden, a blink of the eye and a play of the light.

Moments blurred with no real direction. Just the tug and pull of feeling and thought. Bonnie would be with her parents at one point and with Caroline and Elena at the next. There was a small nagging feeling when Bonnie watched her friends bouncing in excitement while choosing their classes. Throwning ideas back and forth about what their major might be. Business for Caroline and Creative writing for Elena. They texted her for her major, and when she didn't respond they began sending her ridiculous majors that included belly dancing and engineering cat toys.

Stefan. She hadn't seen him once this summer. Not that she was thinking that she would be important enough to always be on his mind, but something felt wrong. He had left a message on her phone before she had closed the veil, telling her a sincere goodbye and regret of not seeing everyone before he left. Then nothing. She had Jeremy text him, but he was unresponsive. Bonnie tried to think that it was just him wanting to be left alone with time to think, but he didn't even check up with either her or Caroline to see if everything was ok.

As if her friends felt her train of thought they began to talk about Stefan.

"…Have you heard from Stefan at all?" Elena's voice was tentative but the concern was evident. Her decision to finally be with Damon was putting a visible strain on everyone, but Bonnie felt it to be a good thing. Even if things didn't work out between them, at least the power of 'what if' would be broken.

"Actually no. It's kinda freaking me out but…he is heartbroken. I just figured he needs some space for awhile." A blanket of cold silence filled the room, the thought of Stefan breaking Bonnie from their thoughts. The witch decided to go back to Jeremy.

"Hey Jer?"

"Oh holy jesus Bon…" He quickly pulled down his shirt, obviously in the middle of changing. The shout of surprise had quickly dwindled to a quiet whisper, vampire hearing being a huge damper on a majority of their conversations.

"Could you text your sister for me? Tell her that I want to be an editor. For novels and such."

"Really? I didn't know you wanted to do that." Jeremy lay back on his bed to quickly tap out her text, showing it to her before sending. Hopefully this small text would pull her friends back into their earlier excitement.

"Yeah, I dunno it sounds fun to me. Were you going somewhere?" His bag and shoes were prepped near the door.

"I need to get out of this house. Want to join me." Normally she would have joined but she suddenly felt glued to the house, knowing that it would be near impossible to leave now. Bonnie regretfully shook her head.

"Don't forget my phone." A necessary precaution, Jeremy quickly pocketed her phone and leaned down towards her. He awkwardly stopped, lips hovering above hers, before finally moving away. Frustration shook the doorframe of his room when he slammed it, leaving her to stand alone in silence.

Bonnie waited until he left the house before finding herself downstairs, her entire body being tugged into the library.

"Damon?"

"Bonnie?" A jolt of shock raced through her at the sound of her name. She went were she heard his voice, only to find him asleep on the couch. The crushing hope she had felt at him acknowledging her pulled her down to her knees. "Where are you?"

"Right here." Her answer had come out in a sob, surprising both her and Damon. It woke him into a sitting position, the open book on his chest falling to the floor with a thud. The combination of his dark clothes and the deep brown room made his pale skin more pronounced. He gripped the bridge of nose before, kicking his leg out to smack the fallen book out further.

She watched as he brought out his phone, flicking to Stefan's number, lingering on her number, before finally clicking on Elena's. Something dawned on Bonnie in that moment.

"Are you upset that everyone has gone away? Does it bother you that much?" Stefan had left, Elena had gone off to plan for college, and even Bonnie had stopped answering as much. Maybe he had grown accustomed to people being near him. It was actually quite flattering to think that Bonnie was even apart of that list.

"Hey, yeah I'm fine…Just a bad feeling, needed to hear your voice." Damon rubbed a thumb absentmindedly across his upper lip. A fluttering of tingles spread over Bonnie's, and she raised her hand to her lips in wonder. "…. Yeah I'll try calling him…not now though ok? Ok…love you too."

Heat uncurled slowly through Bonnie, reaching and stretching in an almost lazy way. She gripped her arms, unsure of how to deal with the sudden emotion that swept through her. It held her down to the floor, overwhelming and heavy. Was this coming from him? Damon looked dazed, his finger tapping absentmindedly on his phone.

"Where the hell are you?"

Was he thinking of her?

She gasped in surprise when the connection was broke, the feeling instantly gone and replaced with a splash of cold air. If she could blush, her entire face would be bright red. What the hell was that?

"What the hell was that?" The vampire was already out the door, with the small-unheard ghost trailing behind him. Of course he couldn't answer her, but it didn't stop from the words from coming out all the same. She rubbed her arm, wanting to dwell on the feeling a little more. There was a sudden wonder of why she could feel such a thing when everything else held nothing for her.

Damon's shoulders were stiff when he finally stopped in the hallway leading to the front door. Her thoughts were cut short at the sudden thought of someone unwelcome coming through the door, but instead Stefan walked in. They stood across from one another, waiting for a signal for the other to move.

The younger of the two relented first, letting out a small unsure smile. Visibly relieved, Damon walked over and pulled him into a hug. An expected display of emotion that Bonnie knew that she was only able to see because of her current circumstance.

She wanted to smile because she was genuinely happy for Damon, but the overwhelming feeling of a different kind engulfed her instead. Cold. A pure bone chilling cold settled within her. Earlier she would have given anything for someone else to acknowledge her, but not like this. Never like this.

Stefan was smiling. He was smiling and looking directly at her, not just in her general direction but truly looked at her. She gripped her hands together to keep them from shaking, watching as he lifted his finger to his lips for a vow of silence.

Joy would have been the normal reaction to Stefan's smile, but that was, without a doubt, not Stefan.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Ok…I think I have an idea of how to continue with this. Let's hope this pans out ok.

….

The terror in her caused her to flee into Jeremy's room. Hiding herself in the corner. She couldn't feel a pull from either Jeremy or Elena, something strong was keeping her here in this house and she had a pretty good idea of whom. Her mind jumped from theory to theory of who was really downstairs and why, and there was only one conclusion.

Magic, unknowingly to the ignorant, was a very fickle thing. Powerful and dangerous, yes, but it needed an anchor, something tangible and real. The magic of the daywalker attached itself to the jewelry, the magic of eternal life was attached to the blood of vampires, and sometimes when there was no other anchor then it connects to the source itself. Bonnie's spell to trap Silas broke the moment she died.

Stefan was not the one downstairs with Damon.

It was Silas.

The little ghost panicked, not knowing if leaving Damon alone with him was a good thing. Not that she could do anything, but…

She was suddenly sitting next to Damon on the couch, Silas lounging against the wall. He didn't look her way or give her any indication that he saw her there. For a brief and hope filled moment she thought that maybe she had imagined the whole thing. But instinct told her not to listen to the painful tug of hope. The vampire next to her scooted his leg near hers, as if angling himself around her.

If he knew she was really there, she would think that he was protecting her.

A thick silence enveloped the room. There was no talking between the brothers, real or not. They stared at one another, both looking like they didn't know where to start. Bonnie stared at Damon's face, noticing how his jaw ticked as he swallowed. He looked unsure. It was hard to tell if it was coming from his guilt or if it was doubt.

"Where have you been?"

"A bit of a road trip I suppose. I feel like it's been a while since I've been out on my own." Silas/Stefan smiled at this. "It was refreshing."

"I've been trying to reach you." A horrible thought suddenly occurred to Bonnie at that moment. Almost the entire time of her being dead, not once had she seen Stefan and now Silas shows up as him.

Where was Stefan? Was he even alive?

That single thought seemed to put a noticeable chill through out the room. Vampires didn't really need to worry about such things but it didn't mean they wouldn't notice a change in temperature. Damon looked away from his brother, sniffing at the room quietly. He suddenly stood, his eyes darting around.

"Are you ok brother?"

"Yeah…I just…I thought someone else was here." He continued to stay standing, staring at the empty space just behind Bonnie.

"Where is Bonnie by the way? I've been trying to get a hold of her."

"He's lying Damon." The little witch stood, standing in his line of sight. It looked as if he was staring straight at her. Stefan, the real Stefan, hadn't contacted her once since he's been gone. "Please Damon, you have to know that isn't Stefan. Please."

"We've been calling each other for most of my trip, even crossed paths once or twice, but when I got into town she hasn't returned any of my calls."

It was surprising to see how quickly anger flashed through Damon's eyes, he made sure to compose his features before turning to Stefan/Silas. He swallowed thickly, turning his back to Bonnie and it somehow felt more than just him turning away from her physically. Something clicked and released her from his pull on her.

"…Damon?"

"Who knows, she hasn't been around for a while. Good to know she's returning someone's calls. Speaking of which I should call Elena. Do you mind if I tell her your back?" The older brother began to move away from the couch, heading to the kitchen with his phone in hand.

"Please do. Tell her she doesn't need to worry about me anymore."

With Damon gone from the room, Bonnie immediately tried to focus on somewhere else but she was blocked. Trapped.

"Now now. There is no need to flee so quickly." Silas walked towards her in large strides, forcing her to sit back down. She gripped onto the cloth of her clothes, willing her hands to stop shaking. "It really is a pleasure to see you again. Especially trapped like this, a little bird in a cage. It really does suit you." He crouched to be eye level with her, reaching his hand towards her face.

"Don't." Bonnie was shocked at the sudden word to pop out of her mouth, she knew he couldn't touch her but her fear of him was stronger than logical thought. The immortal's hand stopped just before touching her cheek, and smiled at her gently.

"It's quite charming actually. A ghost being scared of the living." He finally placed his hand on her cheek, and for the first time in a long time Bonnie felt physical contact. After wanting it for so long, she felt that her wishes had been answered in the cruelest of ways. Instead of warmth there was cold as his thumb stroked her jaw, and his hand cupped her neck as a man would touch his lover. " 'The gods punish us by granting our wishes.' I have you all to myself now." His hand slid from her neck and into her hair, yanking it back roughly. Her head snapped back as he stood above her.

"Where is Stefan?!"

"Tsk tsk. I'm Stefan, and if you say otherwise I may have to kill a few people while you watch. Understood?"

Bonnie could only stare at him, eyes wide in horror. She felt pain sear its way across her scalp where he was pulling her hair back. The only person she could think of was Damon.

"Where you just talking to someone." As if on cue Damon walked back into the room, confused at the strange position of Stefan on the couch. The man in sheep's clothing began to laugh loudly, finally backing away from Bonnie. He rubbed his jaw as his laugh simmered down to a wide smile.

"You two are the most ridiculous beings I have ever come to know. Such hate, yet such trust. It's a shame really…being under such circumstances." Silas leaned forward and kissed Bonnie's cheek before walking over to a bewildered Damon.

"What are you going on about?"

"Nothing that matters, I wasn't talking to anyone but you were going to tell me about how happy Elena is to hear that I'm back." There was a moment of confusion on Damon's face with a flash of horrifying blankness, before he began to smile a tight uncomfortable smile.

"Elena was happy to hear that you're ok. She was hoping to get a chance to talk to you whenever you felt ready." Stefan clapped his hand on Damon's shoulder, showing a genuine smile of joy.

"Great! Everything is great. I'm going to get settled in my old room if you don't mind."

Bonnie watched as he left the room, feeling his pull suddenly vanish. She jumped away from the couch quickly, falling to her knees in a heap. There was nothing she could do. She couldn't even really cry if she wanted to. Silas was right, she was a bird trapped in a cage. A little, weak, trapped bird.

There was a sigh that caused her to look back at Damon. He was staring at his phone quietly. His pull was back, strong and insistent. Bonnie never imagined that the feeling of him thinking of her would be such a welcome idea to her. But she couldn't help relief wash over her.

"Of course you choose to call him."

The look on his face felt heavy on Bonnie. She could actually see him begin to fold in on himself, his carefully placed confidence fracturing ever so slightly. It was something that Bonnie didn't think she would ever be able to see. When she stood she was standing near to him, close enough to touch. Something gripped tightly within her, and she knew she had to help. In anyway she could.

She had to stand on her tiptoes to reach his ear. Whispering softly in hopes that Silas couldn't hear her. Otherwise she would realize how intimate this actually was.

"I'll fix this Damon."

His head suddenly snapped in her direction, startling her to stand still as he stared at her, but not really staring. Damon closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. The sent of chai tea in the air.

"I think I'm going crazy. I keep smelling you everywhere."

For an instant she felt a flutter stir inside, but she steeled herself to ignore it. She had to focus on the task at hand. Focus. Damon's pull made it almost impossible to really focus on Stefan. Bonnie turned away from the Vampire, hoping this would help, if only a little. She concentrated hard on Stefan, tried to remember the way it felt to be around him.

His warmth, his kindness, the undertone of bristling danger. And like a flicker of a flame in the dark, she felt the barest hint of a nudge. It was so light and weak, like a finger hovering just above the skin. Following it took longer than normal, but she finally found herself out in the open. The pull was coming from…a lake?

Suddenly the pull was gone, faded away, ever so slowly. Bonnie stared confused at the lake, walking around the edges until she found an area that had some strange gray stones. When she got closer she realized that they were broken pieces of statue. The pull came back in a violent shockwave that caused Bonnie to fall to the ground.

"S-Stefan?" It was without a doubt him, the pull of him uncharacteristically erratic. But it began to grow weaker, fainter, and then it faded away. Horror set in when she began to understand why this was happening. Stefan was dying, over and over again.

"Oh my god…Stefan!?" The little witch frantically stepped around the edge of the lake, somehow not being able to go in. She screamed in frustration. "Stefan! They'll come for you. I promise!….I'll find a way."

I'll find a way.

Bonnie sat next to Elena on the window seat of their dorm room. She was writing a E-mail to her, filling her in on the recent news of Stefan returning. With a pang Bonnie noticed that Elena's phone still had her name on the screen, obviously she had tried to call her first.

"Elena! Please, if there is any doubt in you about Stefan please focus on that! Please!" With no powers to focus on now, Bonnie focused on her emotions, hoping that she could somehow utilize them the same way she could use her powers. "He's alone and scared, trapped with no way out." Her terror and frustration were so powerful that Elena's laptop suddenly flew out of her lap, crashing to the floor a foot away. Caroline jumped in surprise, screaming at Elena in anger.

"What the hell was that!? Are you insane you could have broke…Elena?"

There were tears streaming down the girls face, suddenly looking broken. Elena touched her face carefully, confused as to why it was happening herself.

"I…I don't know why."

"All of you are in terrible danger!" Bonnie touched Elena's hand, and watched as her friend shivered from the contact.

"…but…something feels wrong."


End file.
